Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I supernannyed him into submission
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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