just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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