I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
