Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
