i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
