I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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