Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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