my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
