He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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