This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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