hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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