Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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