lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize