I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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