Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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