Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
