the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
