i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
