Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How naked do you want me to be?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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