If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
