420 ftw
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
