where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
