she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
