I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
