She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
