Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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