so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
