Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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