I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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