i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
