New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
