6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
