I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
