Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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