the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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