Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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