I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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