today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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