Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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