I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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