If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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