i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
