She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize