we have officially lost it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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