we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
