If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
