forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
