searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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