and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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