i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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