It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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