How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
