Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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