I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
