I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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