do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
