it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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