Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
