I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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