woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
