I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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